The Pictorial Key to
the Tarot of the King
of Cups in Tatters
By James W. Revak
(Vulgarly and Incorrectly Denominated Pentacles)
King. You will soon have extreme weed problems in your vegetable garden. Take precautionary steps now! If ill-dignified: The weeds will get the better of you as they did this poor King; dont think about even a mediocre harvest.
Queen. She is called by adepts: Mistress of the Bunnies and Beasts. This card implies that you will soon enjoy the companionship of a pet rabbit, eat your pet rabbit for dinner, or seek initiation into Black Goetic Bunny Magic(k). (Lovers of bunnies, dont even ask me to describe the latter!)
Knight. Your friends say that you are responsible, persevering, methodical, and detail-oriented like this Knight. If ill-dignified: Your friends really think that you are unbearably anal.
Page. Your friends say that you are intelligent, well-read, learned, and scholarly like this Page. If ill-dignified: Your friends really think that you are a boring egghead.
Ten. Someone in your family is about to disinherit you. Call your favorite telephone psychic or Tarot reader to learn the details now. With the first three minutes free and each additional minute costing only $4.99, thats only $284 for the first hour (do the math!); its a bargain if it means keeping your rightful inheritance. However, if you are an egghead: you will soon feel a strong need to read Homers Odyssey.
Nine. You may think you are big and important, but youre no bigger or more important than a lowly garden snail. You may think you are sophisticated and cultured, but youre no more sophisticated and cultured than a falcon eating its still-warm dinner. If you are an avid gardener: Expect a bumper crop of blueberries this season.
Eight. You will soon make Christmas tree ornaments. If ill-dignified: We apologize; you are non-Christian. Please select another card.
Seven. If you hate to garden, why bother? Get a life! If ill-dignified: You will soon loose your shirt in pumpkin futures. Your broker warned you.
Six. You will soon enjoy material prosperity and a significant increase in your credit line. Furthermore, you will soon generously give from your abundance to those less fortunate. Only kidding! This time next month your credit cards will be maxed out and youll be living on the street like the two poor slobs pictured here.
Five. This is a card of love and lovers, according to Waite. (I am not making this up!) I wonder how well he thinks the artist captured these qualities here. You have my permission, nay, instructions, to ignore Waite whenever he says something stupid.
Four. The Coins are symbols of cymbals; you will soon hear an exciting live band with a great percussionist. If ill-dignified: You will be home, alone, and without a date Saturday night, when you will hear a great percussionist during a rerun of the Lawrence Welk Show.
Three. You will soon build the luxurious home of your dreams for you and your family. If ill-dignified: You will soon receive a message concerning the many, many mortgage payments which you will have to make.
Two. For our male readers: You will soon overcome financial difficulties by balancing your checkbook regularly and sticking to a prudent budget. We honor you on your journey of fiscal responsibility. For our lady readers: You will soon blow your disposable income for the entire month on a stunningly chic hat. You silly, irresponsible female! If ill-dignified: A fly belt on your car will soon break.
Ace. Waite says that this card means perfect contentment, felicity, ecstasy. In other words, if you are single: You will soon go on a hot date. If you are married: You will soon have a hot affair. If ill-dignified and you are married: Your spouse will catch you. If ill-dignified and you are single: A social disease will catch you.
NEXT PREVIOUS CONTENTS E-MAIL AUTHOR HOME
Copyright © 2000 James W. Revak. All rights reserved. Version 1.0 (4/12/00).